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Trust Issues

Tonya Iris

In life, we strive to earn several things, one of which is trust. This five-letter word can break and make any relationship. And can inadvertently bring about trust issues.

One of the worst things about trust issues is that they affect us and those around us who love and care for us. This is why trust issues are a problem that must be tackled correctly.

In this blog, I discuss trust, trust issues, and some signs that we may have them. And most importantly, how do we get rid of them?

To begin, let’s discuss what trust is.

What Is Trust?

Trust is when you know you can rely upon and place your confidence in something or someone. Trust in someone means we believe in them and are confident enough to rely on them. 

We usually know we can rely on that person because they’ve shown themselves to be trustworthy. So we don’t necessarily have to question their motives.

Now that we’ve identified trust, let’s get down to the day’s business– what are trust issues?

What Are Trust Issues?

This is when we find it extremely difficult to trust others. And no, we aren’t talking about your immediate distrust for people you just met. We are talking about finding it hard to trust people who are more than strangers to us. Friends, family, partners, doctor, etc. 

How Do You Know You Have Trust Issues

Here are some signs to identify trust issues. 

  • You focus on the negative.
  • You always assume the worst.
  • You anticipate betrayal
  • You are pretty suspicious of everyone, including family members and friends.
  • You won’t believe what people tell you because you assume they will be dishonest.
  • You avoid intimacy and commitment.
  • You tend to be a loner. You find it easy to distance yourself from people. 
  • If you’re in a relationship, you may spy on your partner by checking their phones and DM’s. 
  • You may be overly protective of your loved ones, and I’m not talking about regular protection. You can’t even trust your partner or family member to be alone for 24 hours. 
  • You have difficulty opening up because you believe everyone is out to hurt you. So you don’t share your deepest concerns or emotions with people.
  • You usually end up in relationships with untrustworthy people. This is ironic because it is almost like your subconscious mind seeks out those situations and people it knows you desperately want to avoid.  

What Could Cause You To Develop Trust Issues

  1. One of the major causes of trust issues is childhood trauma. When our sense of safety or security is threatened, it can lead to trust issues, and many people go through this during their childhood. It could be you suffered abuse or abandonment by one or more caregivers. It could also be a divorce. Most times, a divorce between your parents can affect us way more than we think because what you knew as a safe environment (your home) is no longer safe. This rocks your foundation and causes you to feel insecure. At first, you may not notice, but this problem would manifest as trust issues in a marriage or relationship. 
  2. Consistent betrayal, manipulation, and maltreatment in relationships, be it from your spouse or friendships. 
  3. Misdiagnosis from a doctor either to you or a friend/family member. 

You may be deceived if you trust too much, but you
will live in torment if you don’t trust enough.“-Frank Crane

https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/257656-you-may-be-deceived-if-you-trust-too-much-but

How To Overcome or Be Rid Of Trust Issues

You mustn’t let trust issues control your life. You have to gain control because this is not an issue anyone would want to spend the rest of their lives dealing with.  

I have dealt with trust and abandonment issues which I developed when my dad and mom separated at a very young age. I found that trusting people was not necessarily easy to do. I wouldn’t say I liked long-term relationships because I also had commitment issues. I expected every relationship to end badly and didn’t want to be on the receiving end, so I always found ways to leave the relationship. I found myself saying things like, “oh, it was not you; it’s me.” Or I would find ways to self-sabotage the relationships, not go in so deep, or allow myself to be vulnerable. 

So here are eight ways to overcome trust issues: 

Learn How Trust Works

Some people trust others until they have a reason not to. While others only trust others when they’ve earned their trust. 

When working with trust issues, you can pick any of these, and that’s okay. But if you’re healing, it is best to trust only when that person has earned your trust. Most people with trust issues tend to trust too quickly, which sets them up for getting hurt. This is why it is best to take your time. 

Set Boundaries 

When starting a new relationship or friendship, it is always best to communicate with them. Tell them your imperfections, expectations, and set boundaries. 

Remember, you’ve let people down; we’ve all let somebody down at some point in our lives, and they’ve decided to trust us again. Let’s lend that same grace to someone else. Take your time to figure out and communicate those boundaries and expectations in your relationships. It is essential to bear in mind that they are imperfect as well. So even if they let you down, It doesn’t mean your relationship with that person should be over.  

Be Mindful 

You have to be mindful of your relationships. Ensure that each one of your interactions works to build trust. So start tuning into each interaction and considering why that person deserves your trust. This goes for all kinds of relationships with friends or even your doctor.

If they repeatedly perform untrustworthy actions, then it’s okay not to trust them. You can communicate your feelings to them if the relationship is worth it. 

Honest Communication 

Be honest and open in communication. Poor communication is one of the main reasons for the failure in marriages and other relationships. 

If you want your relationship with anyone to last, you must be honest with them. Talk to them about your hesitancy and reluctance to trust, and be careful not to assume or blame that’s not what we want to do. Instead of blaming and pointing out certain things, communicate clearly how you feel and what you need in your relationships. 

Communicate and clarify your expectations; don’t just expect the other person to know. Ask questions if anything is bothering you. Please stay away from snooping through their phone to find answers. 

Get To The Root

Remember, we said trust issues often stem from the past. So if you don’t know what caused yours, it may be time to do a little soul-searching. Try to find past experiences that may have caused your trust issues. 

You must understand why and what you’re scared of to move on. Once you find the root of your problem, uproot it. 

If you can’t do it yourself, speak with a counselor or therapist. Other things you can do to help are; journaling, self-reflecting, and talking to a trustworthy friend.

Give Yourself Time

Allow yourself time if your trust has been broken. Trusting after someone has broken your confidence will take some time. So give yourself time; you don’t have to go back into trusting that individual. Give them a chance and the time to earn your trust once more. Also, give yourself time to heal

Take Emotional Risks

It would help if you let yourself practice trusting in small and safe ways. Here’s how to do this; take someone’s word for it, give them the benefit of the doubt, allow yourself to be vulnerable, and choose to trust. 

You can do this at the beginning of a relationship or after they’ve earned your trust. Take small baby steps. 

Try And Trust Again

Even if you’ve been betrayed before, it’s still okay to try and trust again. Keep putting yourself out there; not everyone is out to hurt you, and eventually, you’ll find those genuine people

So, these are the eight ways you can overcome trust issues. Let’s list them once more from the top:

“People who choose to trust tend to be happier, better liked by others, and more ethical than less trusting people.” Joy Cagil

https://transitionsandbeginnings.com/35-best-quotes-about-trust-in-yourself-and-others-for-good-relationships/

To further help you out, here’s a scripture. Proverbs 3:5-6 says; trust God from the bottom of your heart; don’t try to figure everything out on your own. Listen to God’s voice in everything you do; everywhere you go, he is the one who keeps you on track.

 

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